So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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