You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
