Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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