you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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