she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
