Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
