dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
