...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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