just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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