Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
