I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
