I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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