and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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