This dress was meant to end up on your floor
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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