Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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