i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
