dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
