It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize