i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
