Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
