Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
