I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We need to get me chipped asap
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
