the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
