When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
