just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my shit smells like andre
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
