D3 body, D1 cock
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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