I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
