so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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