you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
