Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
