Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
