I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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