I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
