He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
