we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
