Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
