hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
