He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
