But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
