so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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