My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
