Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
