come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
