Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
