i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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