Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
