I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
