Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
