I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
