so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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